The Me God Sees

Imagine that. I slipped and stopped posting. Not the first time and I wish I could promise it would be the last. I do have hopes of continuing to use this blog. A new year will soon be upon us and there is lots in store for our family next year. I just haven't figured out how to use this blog yet. Giving a run down of my goals was uninteresting and awkward for me. But I do want it to be different from my other blogs, which have also gone neglected this year and many other times in the past. I will be thinking this through and getting back to you, if there are even any readers. Hope this year was well for you. Many blessings.

Well this wasn't the plan. I had no intention of "extra" posts but I just really felt the need to talk this out here. For the second time in a year and a half I'm mourning a role model. Not because of physical death. Instead I've learned the hard way, with harsh words and cold reality, that someone I spent my adolescence looking up to is no longer someone I even like. I held this person on a pedestal. I'd been compared to her and asked often why I couldn't be more like her. Sure she has accomplished great things and her determination is still something to be admired. But her character, the way she speaks about people, the way she harbors grudges and ill feelings...I can no longer allow those qualities to impact my life. I know in the long run it's for the best. It was never healthy to compare myself to her, as it's not healthy to compare myself to anyone other than yesterday's version of me. Eventually I'll grow to hate myself a lit...

Let me start by saying hello. I don't expect there to be many of you out there but I do hope to at least reach a few hearts in need. This is a personal journey for me. It's my journey to see myself the way that God sees me and to be the woman God has called me to be. Now here is where I get transparent. If transparency makes you uncomfortable then go ahead and move along. To see any fruit on this journey I will have to be transparent. You have been warned. I've been struggling off and on for years with depression. I'm currently trying to pull myself out of a rough bout of postpartum depression. Many days I struggle just to find the energy to perform basic daily tasks. This year I'm adamant to move forward. Most of this journey will be taken in baby steps. There might be set backs and I'm sure I'll drop the ball at least once. Depression is serious and while I know I can make changes to improve my quality of life, I have to remain realistic. My changes ma...