The Me God Sees

This week was one for the books. Monday was like any other day. Nothing unusual. No signs of things to come. And then Tuesday. Tuesday I woke up at 3am in pain. Now I’ve delivered three babies completely unmedicated in my home. I don’t think I have an exceptional pain tolerance but I feel safe in saying I can handle a bit of pain. But this pain nearly had me in tears. I messaged my husband first. Around the 1hr mark I sent a text asking for prayer to my lovely CBS leadership ladies. I don’t even have the words to express how amazing these ladies are. One immediately text back asking if she needed to come take me to the ER. Yes at 4am. Around the 1.5hr mark Jesse called me. Once he heard me on the phone he knew. No more being tough and waiting it out. He wanted me to go to the ER. My voice cracked and my eyes filled with tears and still I tried to explain how I thought it would be okay and I didn’t want to make a fuss. But at the same time I knew he was right. So I told my friend t...

Today I worked through Day Three of 100 Days to Brave. The task at the end of the devotional was to journal about two or three events or moments in your life where someone might have labeled you as brave. While trying to think through different events it hit me, “What one person might label as brave, another person might label as stupid.” Because every moments that popped into my mind I was immediately reminded of how that was a ridiculous thing to do. But isn’t that just like the enemy? He wants to take every good thing about you and twist it and distort it. If you can look past those lies, refocus on the truth of Christ, you can marvel at how God has equipped you. Looking back on my life I realized I was braver than I ever gave myself credit for. I’ve never really thought of how vulnerable and transparent I allow myself to be and how that is brave. I’d forgotten I made the first move with my husband. I’d overlooked how I’d stretched myself to embrace a leading. I deserve none o...

Last year I made big statements of faith. I was challenged and stretched in many ways. My faith was tested. Sometimes I fell short. Okay many times I fell short. But I accomplished my goal. While I have more work ahead of me this year, I made some of my biggest strides ever last year. Even with the setbacks and trip ups I still ended the year feeling a peace and love I’d only gotten glimpses of in the past. I’m still very much a work in progress. But I can feel the growth. This blog went by ignored despite a deep desire to utilize this space. There was a hesitation I just couldn’t move past. But I’m ready. This week I started a new devotional called 100 Days to Brave. And I want to document my journey here.