New Unexpected Goal

Well this wasn't the plan. I had no intention of "extra" posts but I just really felt the need to talk this out here.

For the second time in a year and a half I'm mourning a role model. Not because of physical death. Instead I've learned the hard way, with harsh words and cold reality, that someone I spent my adolescence looking up to is no longer someone I even like. I held this person on a pedestal. I'd been compared to her and asked often why I couldn't be more like her. Sure she has accomplished great things and her determination is still something to be admired. But her character, the way she speaks about people, the way she harbors grudges and ill feelings...I can no longer allow those qualities to impact my life.

I know in the long run it's for the best. It was never healthy to compare myself to her, as it's not healthy to compare myself to anyone other than yesterday's version of me. Eventually I'll grow to hate myself a little less and give myself more grace as I make life choices that are a stark contrast to the choices she makes for herself.

It's also brought about a new goal for the year: To be more mindful of how I talk about others and how I allow others to talk about people around me. It will take God to help me stand up and ask others to stop if they beginning criticising others to me. But I know that it will bring joy to God. God despises unwholesome talk.

But today I mourn. The joy will come in the morning.

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