A Week of Lessons

This week was one for the books. Monday was like any other day. Nothing unusual. No signs of things to come. And then Tuesday.

Tuesday I woke up at 3am in pain. Now I’ve delivered three babies completely unmedicated in my home. I don’t think I have an exceptional pain tolerance but I feel safe in saying I can handle a bit of pain. But this pain nearly had me in tears. I messaged my husband first. Around the 1hr mark I sent a text asking for prayer to my lovely CBS leadership ladies. I don’t even have the words to express how amazing these ladies are. One immediately text back asking if she needed to come take me to the ER. Yes at 4am. Around the 1.5hr mark Jesse called me. Once he heard me on the phone he knew. No more being tough and waiting it out. He wanted me to go to the ER. My voice cracked and my eyes filled with tears and still I tried to explain how I thought it would be okay and I didn’t want to make a fuss. But at the same time I knew he was right. So I told my friend to come and woke up my dad. I wanted my big girls to still go to school so it made more sense to me for him to stay with them rather than load everyone up to take me. The baby came along with us so I could nurse.

Once we were at the ER I was started to feel better and I felt so very silly for getting my friend out at 5am to bring me. I was sure whatever had been wrong had resolved. But I stayed because well I was already there. They did an EKG to ensure I had not had a heart attack. And then I was brought to a room. Blood was taken and a urine sample and then an ultrasound. By the time all was said and done I felt fine. Like nothing had happened. We sat and we waiting. I’ll leave out all of the drama with the nurse. Someone needs to work on their bedside manner. Eventually the doctor came in to let me know that the ultrasound showed a gallstone stuck in the duct and they would need to do an ERCP to remove it. I was completely caught off guard. Why was the pain gone if a stone was still stuck? Now I can say with complete certainty it was all of the prayers.

This ERCP was my first experience with anesthesia. Thankfully there were no hiccups. I came through the procedure fine and the GI doctor, while adamant that I would need my gallbladder removed, felt confident that I could wait for surgery until I was better prepared. Then as I was coming to I was nauseous and in pain. They gave me a dose of pain meds that brought me little relief. The hospitalist overruled the GI and chose to keep me overnight for observation. The pain intensified back almost to the level it had been that morning and everyone was confused. I should have felt relief. They offered narcotics and I requested ibuprofen. From the looks on their faces not many patients decline the good stuff. Eventually the pain settled and I was able to sleep very broken sleep on my stretcher in my windowless ER observation room. We are also fairly sure that despite my pump and dump, the baby got some residual anesthesia because girl was out. She slept all night as long as my friend held her which is very unlike her.

When the hospitalist rounded the next morning we discussed my pain the night before and I could tell she was uneasy. We discussed more bloodwork (despite the previous sample coming back normal) and another ultrasound. She put in a call to the surgeon and it was decided we would move forward with surgery. Tuesday morning and afternoon I was adamant that I did not want surgery right now. I needed to have childcare lined up. I needed to prep and plan. But something about waking up from the ERCP in pain changed my mind. As soon as I told Jesse I was reconsidering the surgery he agreed. My dear friend also immediately agreed. And  the fact I was facing such a great unknown and my very first surgery with such a great sense of peace could not be ignored.

So then Wednesday turned into a day of waiting. I was told as a last minute add on to the schedule my surgery could be anytime between 3pm and 10pm. So we waited. Were told around 11am I should be taken to holding any minute. Then around 2:20pm we were told it would be after 4pm. I don’t know who was praying but at 3:22 they came in and said they were taking me to holding now. I assumed I would be in holding awhile. I was wrong. I was in holding just long enough to pump for the baby, get my two cartilage piercings out, and answer their questions. I was being wheeled back into the OR by 4pm and was in the car by 7:15pm. They don’t play around. It was very surreal to be going home so fast after surgery but gallbladder removal is considered an outpatient procedure normally.

Then my dear friend brought me home to pack a bag. I got to see my girls. And then she brought me back to her house so she could care for me and help me care for the baby and toddler for the first couple of days. I cannot express how thankful I am for her willingness to open her home and to love on me and my babies. The whole experience was so surreal. But I’m feeling that way about most things these days. If it happens while your service member is away, did it happen at all? If it weren’t for the incisions and soreness I wouldn’t even know I had surgery almost a week ago. It definitely wasn’t ideal timing. It was hard on both hubby and I for him to not be here. But in ways only God is capable of, I see the blessings and the lessons.

This experience taught me:

• God has me surrounded. I felt him over and over again and continue to feel him.
• God’s plan is better than mine. I don’t think I could have planned a better support system than the one that stepped up for me.
• My family is AMAZING.
• My CBS ladies are AMAZING. Seriously.
• My church family is AMAZING.
• My kids are resilient.

Okay to be completely fair I already knew all of those lessons. This experience gave me a deeper sense of understanding and acceptance. The verse that keeps coming to mind is Luke 2:19 which reads, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” I’ve been pondering on all of the little moments and details that God’s hand was upon this week. I’m renewed and encouraged by the knowledge that God wants to encounter me like that daily. In the unexpected but also in the mundane. My God is a good good Father.