New Year, New Decade
This blog has been up for three years now. I had such high hopes and such good intentions for it, I just never found my groove with it. And with each new year I hoped that would change.
I skimmed back through my first post. The journey I was supposed to document here. Oh the optimism, the certainty. I don't think I accomplished a single goal from that detailed list. It's not the first year I fell short and it wasn't the last. But I think I've figured out why. Actually scratch that, God showed me why.
For a few months now I've been walking in the mornings. It started on a random Thursday...so out of character for my type A personality self to not choose a well thought out begin date. I was just fed up. Fed up with hating my reflection in the mirror. Fed up waiting for things to go just how I wanted them too. Fed up with myself. I never could have fathomed the blessing it would be. My morning walk time hasn't just been exercise, it's a beautiful and much needed time to talk with God. Something I'd been trying to create space for for a long time. I mean how often does a stay at home mom of four get a solid 25-35 minutes of quiet time? I was finally making the effort to get physically healthy and God has rewarded me with improved spiritual and mental health as well. His goodness never ceases to amaze me. As I enjoy the quiet of nature and talk aloud to God, He has spoken big things into my life. Revelations that He's probably been trying to show me for some time but I never made the space to converse with Him. Yesterday, the first day of a new year and a new decade, was no exception. There I was just walking along, my first walk in almost two weeks due to illness, telling Him about my hopes and desires and how to continue the growth I'd been feeling and clear as day the thought hit me. I believe it was a word from the Holy Spirit. I don't need to strive to be a better version of me. I need to strive to be the best reflection of Him. Wow. God, right?
You see I've been steering myself away from a focus on self care. I listened to a devotional that really resonated with me that talked about a self care focus being potentially problematic because it keeps the focus on one's self instead of on God. Crazy considering the push for self care in our society amidst such a sharp rise in mental health concerns. But this isn't the first time I've gone against the norm and it surely won't be the last. There isn't enough self care in the world to sustain me and renew me the way that God can and does. But God isn't in the world is He? While we should care for ourselves and work to keep ourselves healthy, I realized that I had become too focused on self care. Instead of welcoming the interruption of my beautiful children, I would find myself fuming at the missed opportunity to do something for myself. I found myself resenting how much my children needed me instead of cherishing the limited time they will need me in this way. I needed to surrender all of myself to God. My self care included. God did not disappoint. Now hear me out. I'm not saying I find every aspect of motherhood beautiful or enjoyable or that I expect other mothers to either. And I'm definitely not saying there isn't also room for sharing hardships and taking breaks. Even Jesus got away from everyone and spent time alone. But he did it to renew his mind and spend time with God. I was so focused on fixing myself with dedicated time to bullet journal or take a bath that I was taking my focus off of God. I often found myself raging when I ultimately fell short, got interrupted, or still didn't feel refreshed or fulfilled after. Something had to give and for me it was my focus on self care.
Yesterday when God so clearly spoke that revelation into my life I almost physically stopped in my place it was such a powerful moment. It was so profound and yet I felt it was something I should have already known. Sometimes the ah-ha moments from God feel that way. They feel very "now why didn't I think of that"? This was definitely one of those thoughts. And the train that followed sprouted that divine seed. No wonder I'd been failing at my goals and resolutions for years. I thought they were good goals. What could possibly be wrong with making a goal to read my Bible every day? Well, I was focused on me. I was trying to check a box to be able to call myself a dedicated Christian. I was striving to be the best version of me that I could muster up for God. And there in lies the problem. The Bible is very clear that our old self is to be put off and our new self put on when we come into the family of Christ. I didn't even like myself so why on earth was I holding on and simply trying to improve my brokenness? All I can say is I'm human. It's what we seem to do.
More than that, with the trajectory I've been on, it completely explained why I didn't feel a drive to create my usual list of resolutions. Initially I thought it was because of a fear of failure. But once God spoke I realized it wasn't fear. It was me relinquishing old ideas and ways. I don't need to do what I've always done. Isn't that the definition of sanity?
As I sought confirmation in God's word these verses jumped out at me. The Message isn't my usual translation but reading these verses in that version were so powerful.
I've always considered myself a rule follower. I like rules and lists and protocols and set ways of doing things. I like knowing I'm meeting expectations and pleasing others. But the word from Galatians reminds me that isn't how God wants me to live my life. It isn't what will help me fulfill my purpose in Christ. In fact, it's an exact contradiction. And the word from Romans reminds me that through the blood of Jesus I am free from sin and death. An always needed reminder.
So this new year looks a little different for me. I still have a mental list of things I'd like to see happen this year. I have hopes and dreams for myself and my family. I have fitness goals and plan to map those out at the beginning of each month. But first and foremost my goal is to keep my focus on Christ. To look to Him and listen for Him. Because Ephesians 3:20-21 in the Amplified says, "Not to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen." Instead of checking boxes I want to check myself against God’s word and keep my focus on Him. My goals are only as good as my motives. I want to be sure they align with God's will. I don't want to glorify myself or seek the approval of others. I want to reflect Christ. I’ve never been one to resonate with the “word for the year” but as soon as I said the word reflect to myself I knew it would be a word to draw myself back to. 2 Corinthians 3:18 in the Amplified says, "And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit."
I’m not sure how this blog ties into this new journey. I’m not sure how often I will post here or if I will at all. I make no promises or guarantees. I just knew I needed to share my heart. I look forward to what is to come.
Happy New Year.
I skimmed back through my first post. The journey I was supposed to document here. Oh the optimism, the certainty. I don't think I accomplished a single goal from that detailed list. It's not the first year I fell short and it wasn't the last. But I think I've figured out why. Actually scratch that, God showed me why.
For a few months now I've been walking in the mornings. It started on a random Thursday...so out of character for my type A personality self to not choose a well thought out begin date. I was just fed up. Fed up with hating my reflection in the mirror. Fed up waiting for things to go just how I wanted them too. Fed up with myself. I never could have fathomed the blessing it would be. My morning walk time hasn't just been exercise, it's a beautiful and much needed time to talk with God. Something I'd been trying to create space for for a long time. I mean how often does a stay at home mom of four get a solid 25-35 minutes of quiet time? I was finally making the effort to get physically healthy and God has rewarded me with improved spiritual and mental health as well. His goodness never ceases to amaze me. As I enjoy the quiet of nature and talk aloud to God, He has spoken big things into my life. Revelations that He's probably been trying to show me for some time but I never made the space to converse with Him. Yesterday, the first day of a new year and a new decade, was no exception. There I was just walking along, my first walk in almost two weeks due to illness, telling Him about my hopes and desires and how to continue the growth I'd been feeling and clear as day the thought hit me. I believe it was a word from the Holy Spirit. I don't need to strive to be a better version of me. I need to strive to be the best reflection of Him. Wow. God, right?
You see I've been steering myself away from a focus on self care. I listened to a devotional that really resonated with me that talked about a self care focus being potentially problematic because it keeps the focus on one's self instead of on God. Crazy considering the push for self care in our society amidst such a sharp rise in mental health concerns. But this isn't the first time I've gone against the norm and it surely won't be the last. There isn't enough self care in the world to sustain me and renew me the way that God can and does. But God isn't in the world is He? While we should care for ourselves and work to keep ourselves healthy, I realized that I had become too focused on self care. Instead of welcoming the interruption of my beautiful children, I would find myself fuming at the missed opportunity to do something for myself. I found myself resenting how much my children needed me instead of cherishing the limited time they will need me in this way. I needed to surrender all of myself to God. My self care included. God did not disappoint. Now hear me out. I'm not saying I find every aspect of motherhood beautiful or enjoyable or that I expect other mothers to either. And I'm definitely not saying there isn't also room for sharing hardships and taking breaks. Even Jesus got away from everyone and spent time alone. But he did it to renew his mind and spend time with God. I was so focused on fixing myself with dedicated time to bullet journal or take a bath that I was taking my focus off of God. I often found myself raging when I ultimately fell short, got interrupted, or still didn't feel refreshed or fulfilled after. Something had to give and for me it was my focus on self care.
Yesterday when God so clearly spoke that revelation into my life I almost physically stopped in my place it was such a powerful moment. It was so profound and yet I felt it was something I should have already known. Sometimes the ah-ha moments from God feel that way. They feel very "now why didn't I think of that"? This was definitely one of those thoughts. And the train that followed sprouted that divine seed. No wonder I'd been failing at my goals and resolutions for years. I thought they were good goals. What could possibly be wrong with making a goal to read my Bible every day? Well, I was focused on me. I was trying to check a box to be able to call myself a dedicated Christian. I was striving to be the best version of me that I could muster up for God. And there in lies the problem. The Bible is very clear that our old self is to be put off and our new self put on when we come into the family of Christ. I didn't even like myself so why on earth was I holding on and simply trying to improve my brokenness? All I can say is I'm human. It's what we seem to do.
More than that, with the trajectory I've been on, it completely explained why I didn't feel a drive to create my usual list of resolutions. Initially I thought it was because of a fear of failure. But once God spoke I realized it wasn't fear. It was me relinquishing old ideas and ways. I don't need to do what I've always done. Isn't that the definition of sanity?
As I sought confirmation in God's word these verses jumped out at me. The Message isn't my usual translation but reading these verses in that version were so powerful.
Galatians 2:17-21 from The Message
What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine", but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily...
Romans 6:6-11 from The Message
Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life - no longer at sin's every beck and call! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That's what Jesus did.
I've always considered myself a rule follower. I like rules and lists and protocols and set ways of doing things. I like knowing I'm meeting expectations and pleasing others. But the word from Galatians reminds me that isn't how God wants me to live my life. It isn't what will help me fulfill my purpose in Christ. In fact, it's an exact contradiction. And the word from Romans reminds me that through the blood of Jesus I am free from sin and death. An always needed reminder.
So this new year looks a little different for me. I still have a mental list of things I'd like to see happen this year. I have hopes and dreams for myself and my family. I have fitness goals and plan to map those out at the beginning of each month. But first and foremost my goal is to keep my focus on Christ. To look to Him and listen for Him. Because Ephesians 3:20-21 in the Amplified says, "Not to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen." Instead of checking boxes I want to check myself against God’s word and keep my focus on Him. My goals are only as good as my motives. I want to be sure they align with God's will. I don't want to glorify myself or seek the approval of others. I want to reflect Christ. I’ve never been one to resonate with the “word for the year” but as soon as I said the word reflect to myself I knew it would be a word to draw myself back to. 2 Corinthians 3:18 in the Amplified says, "And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit."
I’m not sure how this blog ties into this new journey. I’m not sure how often I will post here or if I will at all. I make no promises or guarantees. I just knew I needed to share my heart. I look forward to what is to come.
Happy New Year.
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